The Revised NonStandard Version

The Revised NonStandard Version (RNSV)

Then, the Teachers
of the Law brought a woman

who had been screwing around
to Jesus

and told him
in lurid detail what she had done.

Jesus—being Jesus—was not
easily amused, so

He scribbled
on the ground, “This is fucking

bullshit,” which, of course, surprised
the Hell out of

those Teachers—
being upstanding men and not

accustomed to such coarse language. Then,
one of them said,

“Whatcha gonna do now,
Big Boy?”—which, frankly, pissed off

Jesus even more. So, He scribbled

in the sand—again.
But, this time, it was a list of names

followed by dashes followed by “particulars,”
so to speak—

like getting a full-
treatment massage and amassing

dirty drawings and masturbating
under your

robes in church. Teachers,
being teachers, can read upside down,

and that’s when Frank saw his name
and a dash and

what came next, so
he eased on back to the Synagogue,

as did the others. And it was right then
Jesus looked up

at the woman
and loved her so deeply and spoke

so kindly—them being alone—her heart


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